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So, my wonderful home state of Maryland has decided that I am legally allowed to hide behind a psuedonym while bashing people on the internet. Whew, that could have been problematic.

Thanks, Maryland Court of Appeals!

Ideally, every state should be this way – but somehow I think that’s a lofty hope.

Yeah, I still don’t feel like making a legitimate post.

~D

It may be that I barely slept last night and am exhausted, but I really don’t feel like posting tonight. It may be because I increasingly feel like I’m not getting as much out of this anymore. I don’t know. It’s not even for lack of fodder today, considering how badly the Dow Jones Industrial Average is taking it up the ass – with further damage to come. Perhaps that will be for tomorrow. You know, when it drops below 7k.

Instead, I shall devote this post to some cool pictures….

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Wow, I think it may have been a full week since we’ve had a story of blatant idiocy come out of the Sunshine State. Fairly impressive, given their general track record. But, the streak ends today, with a few teenagers that apparently forgot to read the “Burglary for Dummies” handbook before breaking into a house in their neighborhood. You see, in the north, dumb burglars are caught when they’re too stupid to cover their tracks in the snow. Unable to accomplish this in the South, these teens managed to take the idiocy to a new level – by leaving behind a trail of candy wrappers.

Yes, candy wrappers. One of these dumbasses actually left a trail of discarded Reese’s cup wrappers leading from the backyard of a house he broke into to his/his accomplice’s front porch. What IQ range do you have to be in to not realize this crap? I can’t decide if this or snow is worse. I really can’t.

Anyways, the news story says “Three of the teens face armed burglary charges, and two others face charges of resisting arrest without violence and tampering with evidence.” I’m not certain what armament they were packing, but I guess that’s just poor reporting. What strikes me as more interesting, though, is the lack of a littering charge.

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Priority of work that needs completion: High.

Chance of post today: Low.

That is all.

~ D

It seems like the majority of all failure in the past few days ties back to Britain. I assume most people with access to the internet have heard of this Alfie kid, who has already managed at the age of thirteen (so, for those of us in the US, approximately 7th grade) to knock up his fifteen year old girlfriend. If I were to go into the entire multitude of things inherently wrong with this story we’d be here all night, so I’m going to skip ahead to the most recent development.

Apparently since their little bundle of joy has showed up, another two teenage boys (one 14, one 16) have stepped up to say they were also banging little Alfie’s girl. Granted, she and her family say they’re full of shit, but maybe she just didn’t want to hurt his feelings because he couldn’t satisfy her, or some such nonsense. Crazy 15 year old British girls. Anyways, one of them swears he has a resemblance to the kid, and that he had a three month relationship with the girl. Plausible. The other has said (quote): “I slept with Chantelle in her bed about nine months ago and I’m really worried I could be the father.” He sounds like an attention-whoring tard, so I’d rule him out.

I’m not sure why, if you knocked up your teenage girlfriend, you’d be in a rush to claim the kid… other than your 15 minutes of being featured in Britain’s tabloid trash.

Some TV exec needs to get cracking on Maury Povich’s UK Adventure, quickly. We need an unexpected father so this garbage can stay in the news for a few more days, right?

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So, most people I know are aware that I like the UK. I very much enjoyed the two weeks I spent there two years ago, particularly London – the only extremely large city I’m partial to thus far. Hell, I’m even in the unconscious habit of sometimes using “s” rather than “z” (zed?) and spelling words with a superfluous “u.” Of course, now I’ll have to do it on purpose for the rest of this post.

But I swear, some of the laws there are worse than those you’d find here. Now, I’m usually one to give law enforcement the benefit of the doubt, unless they’re done something absolutely moronic (which happens with alarming frequency, these days). The newest thing in the jolly old United Kingdom is that it’s illegal to photograph police officers. Yes, illegal. The canned response the police are handing out is that it’s an anti-terrorism measure. Which, to be sure, is probably part of the reason for it. I understand the need for this sort of thing more than most. But I can’t help but feel like that’s not necessarily what it’ll be used for. As everyone knows, not all of our friends in the world of law enforcement are good people.

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So, in the two days that I’ve found myself unable to write anything even passingly worthwhile, I’ve hit an all-time low on IRG – one view. Ouch. I suppose it had to happen sometime, yes? Anyways, from here on out I’m going to be a little less ambitious and aim for four posts a week – effectively, one every other day. If I can manage more, great. If not, well, meh. Since I’m only going to be getting busier as time goes on, it’s probably better that I try to institute this now than later.

So anyways, for some reason people continue to think that meeting/dating random people from the internet is a smart idea. There’s a funny thing about the internet – there’s no effective way to be sure what’s on your screen is what you’ll get in person. A German woman who apparently flew to New Zealand for an internet date found this out firsthand this past Saturday, when she decided to meet up with someone she had struck a tentative friendship with. Apparently red flags went up as soon as she met him, with his personal circumstances being… less appealing than she had been led to believe. Whoops, there goes that lack of effective verification thing again. Go figure. Ladies, did I mention that I’m single and independently wealthy? Come meet me and we’ll go for a ride in my Ferrari.

Anyways, internet woman failed to meet her friends at the specified time after this get together, so they sent the police to the address they were supplied. But she wasn’t there, so they sent in the big guns – the Armed Offenders Squad – presumably their variation of SWAT. She showed up after a number of hours and was “rescued” (the man didn’t do anything, he was apparently just a dumbass). I’d wager he’s not getting a second date. Hell, he’ll probably get de-friended at this point. Whoops.

On another quick note, apparently Peanut Corp of America has filed for Chapter 7 bankruptcy. Colour me surprised. It kind of bothers me, because now an unspecified number of people are out of a job because the owner of the company is a complete douchebag. If he doesn’t get some sort of jail time, I hope somebody wounds him. Severely.

~ D

So, after working several hours of overtime today, my status is currently “burned out.” Since my writing would be more incoherent than usual, the plan is to go out, wind down, and write today’s post later. It’ll probably be up a little after midnight, EST. I lied. It’ll be up during the day Saturday, and Saturday’s post will presumably go up during the evening.

As always, thanks for reading.

~ D

Writer’s block! Hurray!

As indicated by the title, we have a new entry into the files of “You’re doing it wrong.”

Normally, one would think that protecting their home with a security system is a very good idea. Especially those security systems that notify law enforcement personnel when your house is broken into. Of course, there is always exceptions for such rules, as an unidentified man in Indiana is going to find very shortly. News flash: If you’re growing and processing marijuana (illegal, dumbass) in your residence, it just might not be a great idea to have anything that will bring the police to your door. Ever. Granted, this time it was blindly bad luck (wind blew a door open), but it’s the point -if there’s any chance of this thing getting set off, you might not want contraband in the house.

If you read last Friday’s Diatribe, you’ll know how I feel about the ridiculous marijuana laws in this country, but that’s entirely beside the point. They may be stupid, but you’re still going to be shit out of luck when a state trooper walks into your house because you were too dumb to realize that police + pot = arrested.

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This may one of the best advertisements I’ve seen in a long time.

Very clever. Hats off to the creator.

Edit:

So, apparently Octuplet Mom has put up a website requesting donations of money and/or items. First the publicist, now the Paypal, but no, she’s not in it for the money. Of course not.